St Laurence Community Services

St. Lawrence Park Retirement Village: A Lively Challenge for a Sprightly Escapee

In the endless game of cat-and-mouse between my family and me, St. Lawrence Park Retirement Village was the latest pawn in their perennial attempt to lock me away for "my own safety. " Little did they know, I, an indomitable 73-year-old seasoned escape artist, was always several steps ahead. Armed with training from a "Sensei" in Kyoto, a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and a lock-picking dexterity that would give David Blaine a run for his money, the unsuspecting staff at St. Lawrence stood little chance against my cunning.

A banal room with the incessant drone of Seven News and a senile companion was my new theatre of operations. The staff locked us in after every meal, an ostensible safety measure but a call to arms for me. Taking a leaf from the ingenious Andy Dufresne of Shawshank Redemption, my escape plan began to take shape.

The moment of reckoning came during supper. A crafty substitute of pillows, my clothes, and my signature pork pie hat lay under the covers, presenting the illusion of a slumbering septuagenarian. I, meanwhile, clung to the ceiling, blending with the shadows. The nurse entered, distracted by my decoy. But, unlike my well-executed rehearsals, I landed with a slight thud. She turned, startled, but not before I quickly deployed my lock-picking expertise. With a swift maneuver, I turned the tables, locking her in, and slipping out into the hallway.

After a heart-racing dash to Lara train station, I boarded the next train to Southern Cross station, a sense of triumph rising in me. My latest escape was not just an adventure, but a testament to my unbowed spirit, refusing to be confined by my family's well-intentioned but misguided attempts to cage me. St. Lawrence Park Retirement Village, for giving me another thrilling chapter in my ongoing odyssey, I give you a hearty 4/5 stars.

There is not enough support/assistance for the residents. Rental tenants paying council rates which is disgraceful! Over the past few years this place has been going downhill: (