Royal South Yarra Lawn Tennis Club

Every morning, directly after aggressively inhaling my Gucci incense, I take my son William to Scotch college and then relocate myself to the Royal South Yarra lawn Tennis club. As soon as I enter, I can just smell the money and it reminds me of the good old days where I used to beat up Marjory every day and have my dad pay my school a good sum of money to keep me from being expelled. The parking facilities are nothing but magnificent for my Porsche named Portia. They’re even better than the time I unleashed a colony of maramites into Marjory ’s locker, making them the first fleet to arrive there. I find the use of the word lawn in the name quite comforting because it sounds quite similar a brand that I wear whilst participating in sporting activities, called Lorna jane. One God forsaken day while I was playing a game of tennis with my friend Patricia, a woman by the name of Stamata approached me and asked me if it was. I asked her if she was ok and she said “yes, and I hope you are too, but you didn’t answer the question. ” When I said it wasn’t, she screamed at me with such force, that her moustache hairs which had been braided by two of her choir singers unravelled and started flailing around violently in the tornado her lungs created. She proceeded to summon a woman by the name of samanthia who started licking my feet with such pressure that my foot almost snapped in half. Security managed the situation extraordinarily well, defenestrating her from the second-floor window in an instant. She then offended me violently by partaking in gestures that were obscene in the marine with Rapunzel and Eugene, which resulted in them being tossed into the woodchipper. I must admit that I am very pleased with the handling of the situation, however I have been deeply disturbed and will now be sleeping with a woodchipper under my $20,000 luxury mattress. The service that was undertaken for stamata’s funeral was so stunning that it even caused multiple kindergarteners to have aneurysms over it. The people carrying her coffin were rather irresponsible though, so they dropped it and her body rolled and joined onto the back of a conga line, led by a SWAT team of ninjas who were summoned via a button built into the wall. The fire alarm was then triggered as somebody managed to light their hair on fire, giving them a French bhob in the process. Overall, lovely atmosphere

Great venue for corporate events. Beautiful setting too and friendly staff

I was there for a 70th birthday function. 5 stars on all measures. Location is excellent, meal was perfect and service was fantastic. Zero complaints.

I had dinner here last night and it was excellent-had the eye fillet, with red wine Jus and the potato mash-It was delicious!
Steak was perfectly cooked-the staff are very knowledgeable and friendly-highly recommended

Was taken here for Christmas celebrations dinner. Good bistro food. Had pork schnitzel. Was very good. Sides chip and Salad excellent.

Creche provided for children, court surface excellent. Great deck for watching tennis. Very enjoyable

This has been a modern hidden treasure, since 1884.

The members centre has a full range of entertainment for the young or old, lady and gentlemen.

There are food outlets to sports activities, accommodation, and a nursery, to provide babysitting services for the member interest.

Meditation / Calming music, would be an added bonus throughout the facility.

Food & Beverage:

- Committee / Como / Norman Brookes function rooms are benefits available to both members and guests (no membership is required).

- Terrace is newly renovated for comfort or convenience of privacy for a cocktail party, and or social engagement.

Staff have provided a service of excellence on countless occasions.

Whether, it is a private meeting or type of special event.

5-star chef's are ready to serve any complex or simple request.

Note: I would ask, about the facility equipment, food selection and service package options.

*Be concise, to what you want your perfect hosted event to be, as experience may range from basic to premium standard.

- Restaurant (members dining) is for members and their guests.

On offer is a cozy atmosphere, fine wine, and a good food selection (formal restaurant is closed on Saturday).

- Bistro / Balcony / Member Lounge are outlets throughout the facility.

All offer good service to be helpful to someone.

Note: There are no adult dessert on Sunday (an odd quirk).

Sport activities:

- Tennis is all year round with 10 grass courts, 12 mesh all-weather courts, and 4 Har Tru courts.

Personal trainers, are available for the individual or group, and a pro shop to.

- Squash courts.

- Swimming pool (olympic size).

- Fitness Class for all fitness levels.

- Gymnasiums with all the modern exercise equipment, or weights you need to stay healthy.

- Billiard tables (full size).

- Sauna

Clubs:

- Tennis

- Bridge

- Table Tennis (ping-pong)

- Billiards and Snooker championships (annual)